new puppy = bad news for Verdell residency

My sister and i have a great apt in Pasadena...hardwood, some brick, shaded by trees, large windows...it's been a place where i can hideaway, practice/write, have people over often, and find comfort--the most ideal living situation i've ever had.

Things are changing rapidly.

Enter: duke.

Puppies sound good on paper, conjure lovely thoughts in imagination. In reality? I have been cleaning dog poop and pee for the last 3 days, waking up at 6am (when my sister leaves for work) to nonstop howling, and trying to finish recording vocals for the Act As If album to the background of squeaky toys, claws on hardwood floors, and yep...more howls.

Did I mention we already have a cat? He is lovely. He is easy. He is actually the best/coolest cat that I (or any of our friends) have ever met. But I have been finding piles of Kirby vomit the past few days...apparently he isn't as excited about this as my sister thought he would be?

Okay, this is really not interesting, just sucky duude.

almost, almost done recording

i don't know how things stretch out for so long...good and bad things alike.

we've been dating for how long?

christmas will be here in that many days?

i've been recording an album for 6 months?

dang.

universal truth

exists, and is overwhelmingly exciting to catch glimpses of.

Especially the beautiful kind.

I saw a girl driving behind me yesterday, singing her lungs out to God-knows-what...and I thought 'oh this must be what i look like all the time when i drive.'

It feels GOOD to sing.

I just watched Bono give a speech about ending extreme poverty at an NAACP banquet...and it gave me chills, almost brought tears to my eyes.

Being inspired feels GOOD.

It is 68 degrees outside, the sun is out, and I'm going to go work out. Doesn't matter where the motivation comes from; could be strictly for my image one day, could be strictly for my health the next.

When laziness is shaken--strain and sweat endured--exercising feels incredibly good.

Christians are driving me crazy.

I can't stand it. It makes me want to completely disassociate.
Bill O'Reilly is an asshole. Ted Hagard seems like an asshole. The majority of public-figure Christians are assholes...or at least can't help looking like it on TV. The good news? Well, I guess we're all assholes sometimes. The bad news? We live in a world / society full of cynics and know-it-alls. (never mind that most of whom are completely misinformed and lazy...myself included). This means that there needs to be a new approach! Misinformation vs. misinformation can't be the way of the future! Defensive (and sometimes disrespectful) postures certainly aren't bringing life, light, and freedom to the world.

I'm tired of seeing followers of the bible adamantly caught up in the high school drama of 'evolutionism vs. creationism.' Does Jesus talk about this at all?

Maybe he would say 'give to science what belongs to science'...and move on.

Why do Christians feel threatened by science? If at some point evolution is proven to be absolute fact...will God become irrelevant? Will Jesus' teachings become useless? Science and God are not mutually exclusive entities...and I hate that they get pitted against each other as such.

I have a ton of respect for people like Richard Dawkins--people who are fascinated by creation--and are wholeheartedly pursuing their interests in it. I would so enjoy watching someone in that category come to Eagle Rock, CA...and talk with Mark Pickerel. Or to Grand Rapids, MI and chat with Rob Bell. Or visit countless other places where scientific ideas would not be fought with know-it-all bible thumping arrogance. But thoughtfully considered and discussed.

I need to see it.

I think a lot of people need to see it.

crazy dreams

i am a lucid dreamer. probably doesn't help that i stay up late, watch tv really late, eat really late, etc.

last night i had a dream that i was at a party somewhere in east los angeles, was offered coke (see 'coke vs. coca cola'), and accepted it (see 'hesitation vs. curiosity'). My heart instantly raced, my sensations turned euphoric, and i instantly felt a strange combination of guiltiness and perceived hipness. weird.

the notable thing about my dreams...is they feel incredibly real...it's scary. i felt the coke rush. like my heart could have burst open during sleep.

i need to stop watching tv.

Struggle / Relief

Art is hard. Today was a struggle...actually...this past week has been a struggle. It's good to be reminded of flaws (check), but nice to find encouragement too (thanks to today, check). I can't explain exactly where relief comes from, but I feel a difference tonight, and it's like magic. I don't understand it, but it seems to work.

thoughts on death (kinda)

Today is going to be a good day. If for no other reason than the fact that I cannot allow it not to be. I am freshly showered after some morning exercise, i have just had 5 flaxseed tortilla chips with chipotle salsa, and am about to drive to Trader Joe's (I had given up on groceries the past 2 weeks...opting for beer and frozen pizza almost daily. This is an issue I am fixing within the hour).

Why was I thinking about death again? Oh right.

I was on the treadmill trying to rid my body of the empty beer / pizza calories, glancing at the plethora of TVs at the 'ol 24 Hour, when I caught the end of some hunting show on ESPN. Two hunters had just shot a moose in New Zealand and were examining their kill; "Look at the span of these antlers, have you ever seen such a beautiful creature? The fur is perfect. And look at these scars, you can tell this one has been a fighter his whole life." Admiring the beauty and strength in a creature that they chose to kill?

I shot a mouse once, with a .22 rifle when I was 11, and cried almost instantly afterward.

Death is confusing.

I've been recently shaken by the idea that death and violence are not the results of 'sin entering the world by the fall of humanity'...but are instead things that have been around long before such thing could occur. This shatters another brick in my wall. I take this to mean that God has always intended for death and violence to be an absolute and necessary part of life.

I hate this. I am struggling with this. I don't know if this can be resolved.

So. I'm going to go buy some apples.

I'm going to purchase some soy milk and cereal.

I'm going to watch the kitten play around the apartment while I smile and realize that love is real, somehow...and it has to be bigger than us.

(and i might buy a frozen pizza or two)